But questions remain.
You've chosen us, but why should we choose you?
While you were waiting for this page to load, we analysed your system and did a background check on you personally.
You think, 'sure, I'll read a little more about this PACKET DIDDLER thing; it's not like I have to give them my credit card number or anything
With a package as good as this, however, we can't sell it to just anyone. What if you used it for ill? BUZZ has spent his life on the run from Freemasons, fellow travellers and their acolytes; purveyors of the lies that make people like you doubt that you truly need the PACKET DIDDLER.
We know that the dark forces would love to use you as the instrument by which they got their corroded fingers on the real PACKET DIDDLER. With the genuine article in hand, they could turn the technology against all true believers; perhaps by making a knockoff poisonous version that will cause you to break out in hideous scabies if you use it.
Your first step must be to admit that you are not.
Then and only then, following consultations with Buzz Jackson, the secret link will be opened up and you will travel into the brave new realm.
Rigorous mental discipline will enhance your ability to choose wisely. Repeat the following mantra to yourself several hundred times a day. Be sure to say it audibly, lest your Masonic programming subvert your thoughts even as they form:
Am I rock?
I must have the IT DIDDLER
Though I am unworthy